


let you down

by thelivingflop



Series: haikyuu song inspired oneshots [7]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Toxic Relationship, tanaka is a dick, we don't stan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:00:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27608005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelivingflop/pseuds/thelivingflop
Summary: inspired by let you down by nf
Relationships: Ennoshita Chikara/Tanaka Ryuunosuke
Series: haikyuu song inspired oneshots [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2018299
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	let you down

**Author's Note:**

> tw: self harm

Ennoshita looked at the time. 3am. He would be home soon.

Ennoshita laid his head back in the sofa and waited to hear the familiar sound of a lock clicking.

Half and hour later and Ennoshita was yet to hear the lock clicking.

Fourty five minutes later and Ennoshita was yet to hear the drunken stumble through the door.

An hour later and ennoshita was yet to hear the voice calling out his name and slurring his words.

Ennoshita let his eyes wander the living room. His vision was slightly bleary but that didn't stop him from catching a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror. God, he looked awful. His skin was paler than usual and dark circles surrounded his bloodshot eyes. That's what you get for staying up until 3am every night, Ennoshita thought. He could always go to sleep earlier but he didn't want to. He needed to make sure he was safe.

Ennoshita sighed before picking up his phone. He scrolled and clicked on the contact he was looking for. The phone rang in his ear but went to voicemail. Ennoshita looked at his phone, what was he expecting? He never picked up before so why would he pick up now?

Worry began to fester in Ennoshita's chest. He'd never stayed out this late before. He was always back before four. Ennoshita looked at the clock again. 4:08am. Ennoshita picked up his phone again, his movements slightly more frantic than they were before.

Just as he was about to press 'call', he heard a lock click, drunken footsteps stumbling through the door and...

"Enno!"

Ennoshita let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding. Relief washed over him. Ennoshita heard a few small crashes and a few mumbled curse words. Ennoshita cast his eyes to the floor and hoped that maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad.

"Enno. Why didn't you help me?" He asked.

Ennoshita looked up and met his brown eyes. Ennoshita took in the appearance of the man stood in front of him. His clothes were messier than usual and his pupils were blown wide.

"Why are you so late?" Ennoshita asked, his voice soft.

"What?"

"Why are you so late, Ryū?" Ennoshita asked again, his voice sharper this time.

"Just decided to stay out a bit later. What's with the attitude?" Tanaka asked.

"You're my boyfriend, Ryū. Do you expect me to not worry? To not wonder where you are? You could have at least called or text me to let me know." Ennoshita said.

"Just stop worrying then. It's not that big of a deal." Tanaka said, shrugging off his jacket.

"I can't just not worry about you! You're unbelievable!" Ennoshita said, his voice raised.

"God, you're so annoying sometimes Chikara! Give me a break." Tanaka sighed.

"Oh, give you a break? Give you a break?" Ennoshita couldn't help but laugh. "No, Ryūnosuke. How about giving me a break? I'm the one staying up all night waiting for you to get home. I'm the one who has to help you because you're fucking drunk all the time. I'm the one who has to deal with your hangovers in the morning. I'm the one who is suffering here!"

"Jesus Christ. I can't deal with this right now. You know, Chikara, sometimes i wish you were someone else!" Tanaka snapped.

Ennoshita didn't even blink at the insult. He'd heard it before, almost every month to be precise. Their relationship was so toxic yet Ennoshita just couldn't help but come back. He loved tanaka. He loved tanaka too much for his own good. He watched as tanaka turned away from him. usually, Ennoshita would stay silent. He would keep everything to himself, but tonight, he couldn't. He couldn't keep the thoughts and the voices trapped in the tiny cage of his head.

"It feels like we're on the edge right now." Ennoshita said, softly. He watched as tanaka stopped in his tracks. "I wish that I could say I'm proud. I'm sorry that I let you down."

Tanaka turned so he faced Ennoshita. Ennoshita locked his eyes with Tanaka's, trying to search for something but all he found was confusion.

"All these voices in my head get loud. I wish that I could shut them out. I'm sorry that I let you down." Ennoshita rolled up the sleeves of his sweater, revealing hundreds of red and white lines.

"Enno?" Tanaka asked, taking a step towards the brunette.

"I guess I'm a disappointment. I'm doing everything I can because I don't want to make you disappointed. But it's annoying, you know? I just want to make you feel like everything I ever did wasn't ever trying to make an issue for you but, I guess the more the think about everything, you were never even wrong in the first place, right?" Ennoshita said, he could feel the sharp sting of tears behind his eyes.

Ennoshita wanted to ignore Tanaka but he just couldn't. He couldn't help but return. Ennoshita walked towards Tanaka with his head down, looking at the ground. He couldn't meet Tanaka's eyes, he was embarrassed for him.

Ennoshita felt the paranoia surging through his veins as he asked himself what did he do wrong this time? The question was supposed to be rhetorical but Ennoshita couldn't help but find hundreds of answers to that question. Guess that's what you get for having shitty parents, he thought, that's all they taught you, to think about what you did wrong.

"I'm loyal to you, Chikara. What more do you want?" Tanaka asked, sharply.

Ennoshita scoffed. "Loyal? You should have had my back but you put a knife in it. My hands are full, Ryū. What else should I carry for you? I care for you."

"You're being fucking ridiculous, Chikara." Tanaka laughed.

Ennoshita felt anger overtake him and he looked up at Tanaka. He couldn't believe this, he couldn't believe him.

"You don't even want to make this work! It's like you just want to make this worse! You want me to listen to you but you don't ever hear my words."

Ennoshita looked down at his forearms, remembering the countless times he had tried to talk to Tanaka about it, only to be brushed off.

"You don't want to know my hurt." Ennoshita pointed to his scars. "Yet, let me guess, you want an apology."

"Yeah, I do want an apology because right now, you're acting like a bitch." Tanaka said.

Ennoshita looked at Tanaka. He couldn't believe the words he was hearing right now. How could they keep going at a rate like this? They couldn't. Ennoshita knew he had to leave, he already had a bag packed from the countless times he's left before. But, Ennoshita didn't want anyone to come after him this time. He just wanted to be alone, he didn't want to think at all.

Ennoshita knew Tanaka was going to drink some more and then call him in the morning like nothings wrong because that's what he always did. It felt like every time Ennoshita tried to talk to Tanaka, Tanaka was in an awful mood except the time tanaka wanted him back.

"what else can i offer you?" ennoshita whispered, his voice trembling. "because there's nothing left right now, i gave it all to you."

Tanaka sighed to himself before grabbing Ennoshita's hands and looking lovingly into his eyes.

"Enno, baby. All I need is you and your love. You're enough for me, I love you." Tanaka said, his voice laced with fake sweetness.

For a moment, Ennoshita found himself believing the sweet words Tanaka was saying. He could feel himself melt under Tanaka's gaze but he quickly snapped himself out of it, reminding himself that this was all fake. Everything about their relationship was fake. Ennoshita snatched his hands back and took a step away from Tanaka.

"Don't talk down to me, that's not going to work now. I've packed all my clothes and I'm leaving. I don't even want to come back here because every time I sit on that sofa, I feel like you lecture me." Ennoshita said, moving to grab his bag. "If i stay, I bet we could make this work and probably figure things out like we always do but I guess I'm a letdown."

"Enno, please. Let's talk this out, I'll do better. I promise. You mean a lot to me and I only want you to be happy."

Ennoshita scoffed. "Oh, so you want to be friends now? Okay, well let me put on my fake face and pretend. Let's sit around and talk about the good times that didn't even happen."

Ennoshita saw Tanaka's eyes widen slightly before he threw his head back and laughed.

"I mean, why are you laughing?" Ennoshita's voice cracked. "Must have missed that joke. I can't find the punchline but at least you're happy."

Ennoshita slung his bag over his shoulder and left the flat. It would take him seven minutes to walk to the hotel, five and half if he was walking quickly. Ennoshita shouldn't know these numbers, he shouldn't have to keep making this walk. But Ennoshita couldn't escape the addiction.

Ennoshita paid for a room and fell onto the cheap mattress. Ennoshita tried to feel something different this time but he couldn't, he felt exactly the same as he normally did every time he spent the night at this hotel. Ennoshita wanted to himself, he wanted to slap himself, anything to just knock some sense into him. Why did he keep going back?

Ennoshita shut his eyes and waited for sleep to overtake him. He didn't want to do it anymore but he was trapped in a maze, unable to find either the exit or the middle. Ennoshita never understood how bad addiction could get until he became a victim of it himself.

Until he became a victim of Tanaka.

-

Ennoshita awoke the next morning to his phone ringing. He almost hoped he wouldn't get a phone call this time. Ennoshita answered and held the phone to his ear, waiting to hear the same broken promise he had heard so many times before.

"Enno. I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry. Please come back, I'll be better. I promise." Tanaka said the words of an empty promise through the phone.

"Okay." Ennoshita whispered.

Because no matter how many times Tanaka let him down, he would always go back.


End file.
